Matters Arising

Baseball

(HEATHER and STEPHANIE are sitting in the stands of Yankee Stadium)

HEATHER

Do you think Alex is going to hit his 600^th home run tonight?

STEPHANIE

I don’t really care about that.  I’m here to see Jeter…

HEATHER

How can you not care?  Six hundred home runs is historic.

STEPHANIE

It’s historic for guys who did it without taking steroids.  Not for guys who did.

HEATHER

Wow, that’s harsh.

STEPHANIE

It’s like saying a guy who dunks on a five foot basket is doing something great.  You can’t cheat and get rewarded.

HEATHER

But plenty of other guys did steroids without being able to hit six hundred home runs.

STEPHANIE

But there are clearly guys who did not take steroids who hit six hundred, and it’s not fair to put any cheaters in the same category.   Babe Ruth did not take steroids.

HEATHER

How do you know?  Maybe he took something…

STEPHANIE

All he took was hot dogs and beer.  They didn’t have steroids in the thirties.  

HEATHER

Yeah, that’s true.  Same for Willie Mays… he didn’t take steroids.

STEPHANIE

Exactly.  So to see Barry Bonds on the top of the all time home run list is an insult to Hank Aaron… and the Babe, and Willie Mays…

HEATHER

How about the Hall of Fame?

STEPHANIE

Maybe we can start a hall of fame for cheaters.

HEATHER

That would be a big hall…

STEPHANIE

Yeah…

HEATHER

So you wouldn’t put any of these guys into the Hall of Fame?  Rodriguez, Sosa, McGwire?

STEPHANIE

None of those guys.  Keep them out, put in Griffey, Jeter, guys like that…

HEATHER

I never knew you were such a passionate fan.

STEPHANIE

The whole point of baseball is its history.  If you can’t compare todays’ guys to former players, the whole thing is a waste of time.

HEATHER

How about in other areas?  Like, am I cheating by using electricity, when two hundred years ago they didn’t have electricity?

STEPHANIE

Are you serious?

HEATHER

I’m just asking….

STEPHANIE

I don’t even know how to answer that.

HEATHER

It was just a question.

STEPHANIE

Okay, whatever…

(The End)

TONY and BARACK

(TONY, CEO if British Petroleum and  BARACK, POTUS, are on a couch in the White House.  In front of them is a large bottle of scotch).
 
BARACK
I hear you’ve got the well capped.
 
TONY
It would appear that way.
 
BARACK
What does that mean?
 
TONY
Well, by all appearances, it appears that we’ve capped the well.
 
BARACK
So… is it capped or isn’t it?
 
TONY
Oh indeed it is.  Indeed.  The well, as it is, is quite definitely capped.
 
BARACK
And no oil is leaking?
 
TONY
Oh.  Oh…  no…  no…. I didn’t say that…  wait…  are you by any chance referring to the well, per se, as in the well that we drilled, when you ask about oil leaking?
 
BARACK
Of course… what else would I be referring to?
 
TONY
Well – there is the ocean floor itself…   the sea bed itself… for example, around the well.
 
BARACK
Oh.  
 
TONY
Yes.
 
BARACK
So…  you’re saying that there is oil leaking from there?
 
TONY
Me?  No not all… so far I haven’t said anything of the sort.
 
BARACK
I see.
 
TONY
That’s quite a large bottle of fine Scottish whiskey you have there.
 
BARACK
Yes.  Yes it is.
 
TONY
Perhaps we should have some?
 
(The End)

Volcano, Day Two

(JON and SVEN are at a hotel bar)

JON
What if this volcano keeps erupting?

SVEN
Yah, I was thinking about that…  maybe I should take a boat home.

JON
Wow… a boat…

SVEN
Yah…  like in the old days…  when they didn’t have airplanes and things of that nature…

JON
Wow… yah…  like we’d be returning to the old days…  where it took like a week to get to Europe…

SVEN
Yah…  they’d enter by the water, and then take trains, or horses…

JON
Wow.  Yah, trains…   I don’t think we’re back to horses yet…

SVEN
Yah….  but it makes you think…  how good are your trains here in the US?

JON
Not so good.  None of our infrastructure is very good.

SVEN
Yah – but what if you really can’t take airplanes any more?

JON
That would be something.

SVEN
Yah…

JON
I wonder if our missiles would still work.

SVEN
Your missiles?

JON
Yeah…  we have all these intercontinental ballistic missiles…  I wonder how they’d still do if there was all this volcanic ash in the air.

SVEN
Really?  That’s the first thing you think about?  Missiles?

JON
Well… not the first thing…

SVEN
You Americans…

(The End)

ok all better…

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/21/obama.oath/index.html
Obama retakes oath of office after Roberts’ mistake

WASHINGTON (CNN) — President Obama retook his oath of office Wednesday after Chief Justice John Roberts flubbed while delivering it at Tuesday’s inauguration.

Barack Obama is pictured at the inauguration on Tuesdayin Washington as Michelle Obama watches.

Roberts administered the oath the second time as well, according to the White House.

The move was aimed at dispelling any confusion that might arise from Tuesday’s take and erase any question that Obama is legally the president.

Roberts made no comment on becoming tongue-tied Tuesday. 

Oaths

Inauguration day.

So it really does appear that Chief Justice Roberts messed up the oath.  

The problem is the Constitution says this about the Prez taking power:

“Before he enter on the Execution of his Office, he shall take the following Oath or Affirmation:—”I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

So by not taking the Oath as written, one can say he did not take the Oath, and therefore cannot enter on his Office.

Oh wellz that is life.

Careless Chief Justice.

George Bush’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2009

1. Move out of White House

2. Send out forwarding address cards.  Avoid sending one to Cheney.

3. Make sure liquor bottles are thrown out.  And that stash of coke in the panel inside the desk.  Get rid of that.

4. Give Condi a good-bye present.  If you know what I’m sayin’… and I knowz you do.

5. Write one of them books -  Point out casualties in Iraq decreased in 2008, so the surge must have worked.  Avoid mentioning casualties are up in Afghanistan.  Who goes to Afghanistan anyhowz?)

6. Buy some land up there in Canada, in case this global warming thing turns out to be true.   

7. Avoid dad and all of his “I told you so’s”.  He can be so annoying.

8. Avoid travel - don’t want to get arrested as a “war criminal.”  Crazy international people and their international law.

9. Work on Presidential Library.  What is a library for - do people actually go to these things?  

10. Check 401K.  Consider moving $$ out of Lehman Brothers.

11. Re-Read biography of Herbert Hoover.

12. Write the Obaminator a good-luck note.  Haha boyz will he needz it. 

clinton as secretary of state

Ok how can the Obaminator spend the entire Primary Season pointing out how wrong Hillary Clinton was on Iraq….   essentially winning the nomination by impugning her Foreign Policy judgement.   And then.  Once elected to be President.  Selecting her to be SECRETARY OF STATE of all things.

I mean

That makes zero sense.

Speak to the Son

So it turns out that Vice Presidential Candidate Palin has a son.

Her eldest son.  His name is Track.

Track Palin joined the army on September 11 of last year… or around seven months before his latest sibling was born.

He got out of town.

I’m thinking that this guy Track knows the deal, and that someone should chat with him.   So… yeah…

There’s this other thing about this guy Track…  when the Anchorage newspaper ran the story about him joining the Army, they said he did so for “undisclosed reasons”. 

So perhaps some enterprising reporter can track down Track, and see what he has to say about things.

Medical Records

Are the members of the press going to scrutinize Vice Presidential Candidate Palin’s Medical Records?

Will they determine whether she is in fact the mother of her claimed fifth child?  There should be more than just a Birth Certificate.  We need to see the full history of this pregnancy.

Oh, and who really boards an airplane AFTER their water breaks, to travel for several hours, to then go off into the woods or whatever, and to give birth alone.

I mean, who does that?

Medical Records.  

The only real proof of parentage by the way is the DNA.

Yeah, let’s see that.